Before you begin reading, know that I’m an adult in my forties and my only heart issues are with a pacemaker… no heart disease, valve issues, or fatty tissue. All electrical.

~”When you told me to “get off my phone, stop buying things on Amazon and go to sleep”… that was horrifically insulting and degrading!!!
What if I said, “You need to get out of bed, stop sleeping so much and watching your tablet all day!” It’s insulting!
I do NOT have an impulsive need to satiate my anxiety by purchasing frivolous “stuff” online.  And… it’s my money!
I was in immense pain yesterday, and I told you that a few times throughout the day, while acknowledging YOUR pain. Also…
I could not take any more pain meds yesterday, or you would have had to take me to the hospital. I do not have the luxury of taking as much Tramadol, Cymbalta and other strong pain medication like you do. My heart will fail. That is what was keeping me awake, triggering my anxiety and making my mind race!
I WAS HURTING!!! Why do you think I was watching the barometer? It helped my anxiety when it went up and the rain stopped.
I can not just keep popping pills all day long. Eventually, I hit my limit even if I got to the point that I couldn’t walk. I also can’t run to the hospital every time I hit my limits because then I’ll be labeled a “drug seeker.”
Do you understand my hurt feelings?
I feel like I’ve disappointed you, and I’m worried that you see me as a burden? Those are my worst fears. I do not want to be a burden, but could you pleeaase cut me some slack???

When we see Dr. Macechko, we’re going to talk about the fact that I can not take anything strong enough to decrease my pain in a significant way. “Pain Management” is not an option for me. Why do you think Dr. Mike was crying during our last visit? He told us he hates it that he can not help me more. He’s done all he can! There’s nothing else to help my Fibromyalgia, my chronic fatigue, or my thigh cramps. My heart is a big “ha ha fuck you Kat!”
I feel so bad that you have to see me, your child, struggle so much. As the Celestine Prophecy says, “This is my lot in life. I can fight it or reserve myself to acceptance and peace as best I can.” I have no other options.

So… what can be done to help you understand my situation?
P.S. No more caffeine for me. Please help me remember. THIS… you can hound me about.”

So… now you know. She still loves me unconditionally! ❤️

© 2024 Kat J Phillips