The picture above of a wolf with dual colored eyes staring at her own reflection in the shape of a skull has much strife and pain laid before her. To stand for, stand against, and stand up too in order to survive in this world. Not only does she represent the duality of a life lived, hunter and nurturing pack mate, but also a reflection of the death every being must face. Her own mortality and the threat of death drives her survival. 

All of this could, as usual, represent a glimpse of my own human psyche. The duality in my own life, being very ill yet putting on a brave face.  The skull is the constant reminder of death staring me in the face.  My heart could fail at any minute; it is run by a machine after all.

I think of death now because my physical and mental health have become too much for me to handle.  I don’t want to face my life anymore.  The challenge is too great and the struggle is too much. And recently, the talks of the eminent death of my Mother have also started to drown me in sorrow.  My loving creator who gave me my life and raised me in this world.  However, she also abandoned me as a child and left me in an abusive home.  Maybe that is where the true split feelings of sadness and acceptance are coming from.  I will miss her so terribly and yet I’m glad that she will no longer be in pain.  She will be abandoning me again.  It is a feeling I know well but it does not make facing the abandon easier.

After showing the picture of the wolf to my Mother, she pointed out that the picture could be just as simple as the walk we all take in life.  The strive for balance in life and for happiness and peace.  Also, trying to see the bigger pictures in life’s lessons and move toward self-actualization.  Can it be achieved?  Has it already been achieved and the wolf cannot give herself credit for the multitude of obstacles she has overcome in life and given resolve too?  Hmmmmmm……   © 2021 Kat J Phillips